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this chance of having a fresh start

I think it's been more than a month or two that I haven't sat down and got lost in a fictional world. But a week ago, I have finally gone back to doing my favorite hobby. I've finished 2 books - To Kill a Kingdom and A Darker Shade of Magic - and I am now reading another one! It feels so good to be back burying my nose in a good book. I've forgotten how fulfilling it feels to read the last chapter and wanting for more adventure to go on.

All book talks aside, I also miss blogging. And not the flashy kind of blogging but the diary, personal journal kind of blogging. And I think that's what's becoming of my blog. The funny thing is that's how I really started. I was just blogging for myself. Writing about my life and my feelings and my thoughts. Totally uncensored and not thinking about other people who will be reading my entries because I really wasn't thinking that anyone would be interested in what I have to say. And maybe over the years when I garnered a handful of constant readers, I started fixing myself and writing in a more guarded way. Showing only what I think the readers would like and filtering some things off that I thought maybe they wouldn't like. I still write from my heart but maybe after so long of filtering, it became a habit of sorts to only show the "likable" stuff. Although there are some not-so-good stuff in this blog which would make what I'm blabbing about right now very contradicting. I guess what I want to say is I am reverting back to how I used to be. To how I used to write unguarded and uncensored, to how I used to share things that aren't really relevant to other people but are relevant to me, to how I used to just write for myself instead of write for someone who I used to think is myself - if that makes any sense.

Anyway highway, I'm in a much better state right now, not that it matters to any of you, and not that anyone's asking. I just wanted to remind myself that I am in a better state today than I was five months ago. Things have changed and so have I. I'm proud that I can now say to myself without a doubt that I'm better. That I'm living. That I'm fighting. That I have the will to go on even when my life had a big falling out. I don't have words to really say about how I came to be how I am today. I am just very thankful that I pushed through and that I had someone who pushed me to go through what I was going through. Thinking about the people behind the smile that I can wear freely today makes my eyes tear up with endless gratitude and love. To those people who may not have realized that they were the few ones who kept me going, thank you, guys.

When I hear songs with lyrics about people giving them strength and will to go on, I used to think these were cliches and exaggerated feelings. But now I understand what they mean, what they convey, what feeling they want the listeners to feel.

Life is unfair. Life is difficult. Life has a way of breaking people. But despite it all, life is good and every moment that we have makes the entirety of it worth living. I may not be where I wanted myself to be at this point of my life but I know now that I'm meant to be where I am.

Cheers for this new life, for this newfound hope, for this gratitude, and for this unbelievable chance of having a fresh start. xx

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About Renee Alexis

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Renee Alexis Taladua, 25, is a licensed metallurgical engineer who has left the field in search of a more fulfilling work lifestyle. She has a great love for books and new adventures. Her Goodreads profile suggests that her taste in books vary over time, depending on her mood and her current life situation.

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