First of all, I just wanted to say that I have been in conflict with myself before writing these thoughts down. I am having an argument with myself on whether to write this letter in an insulted, angered demeanor or in a calm, sensitive, more positive-thinking manner. I choose the latter and I will try my best to keep myself from saying hurtful stuff. Though I cannot promise this because I want to voice out the truth - my truth.

Dear Someone,

We have known each other for a long, long time. I remember when we were kids, we used to have a love-hate relationship. We used to keep on fighting over the most trivial, inconsequential things. One moment we were quarreling and speaking ill to each other and then the next, we'd be side by side playing Super Mario on the family computer concentrating on winning each level. We were kids back then, immature and insensitive so we've spoken so many harsh, inconsiderate things to each other. We made up lots of times and then we'd be best friends like nothing had ever happened. I forgave you, you forgave me, we forgot the past and moved on from it.

We grew up. Come high school and we found common ground. I spent every summer, then, with you and we were completely inseparable. We bonded and traded secrets about our friends in school, our crushes, our boyfriends, about everything. We even made a pact and named an exclusive group for just us. I never thought we'd be that close and I was grateful for it. We used to look back and reminisce about our childhood, and when we'd remember all the times we have fought, we'd only laugh about them.

We went to college together, though we took different courses and went to different schools, we never failed to keep in touch and get together once in a while. The times we'd spent together became rarer and rarer as you moved to a different school. As the distance between us became bigger, the gap between our relationship grew as well over the years. By then we were both busy living our separate lives.

We only saw each other occasionally but when we did, we still talked about the most random stuff we could think of. We used to catch up with all that has happened in both of our lives and share our aspirations and dreams. I graduated and not long after, you did too. I was happy for you, proud even because you have finally made it after all the hardships you've been through.

This should be the time when we start chasing the dreams we created when we were younger. This should be the time when we come together because finally, school is done, forever. This should be the time when we get together like the old times and talk about the next few years ahead of us. This should be the time to plan for all those trips we were wishing we could do when we were still in high school. But I was slapped in the face by the hard truth of how wrong I was. Because today, we both are in very different worlds already, and the friendship we once had can never be untainted again.

The tension in both of our families arose and I was on my way to Camiguin when I came to know about it. On the trip, I was relentlessly crying. I can still remember the pain I felt. I cried for my mom. I was in distraught because it took me that long to have knowledge on all the things that were already happening for quite some time. I didn't mind what my seatmate would think of the girl who is ugly-crying her way to Iligan and I was thankful that time because I was, for once, wearing a face mask.

The things my dad told me were difficult to absorb. I couldn't believe what I was hearing because I didn't know you were capable of disrespecting both of my parents in their faces, especially my dad who has done so much for you. I thought I knew you...I guess I was wrong.

It was a long drive to Camiguin and I had hours to think and ponder about the situation. I have thought about sending you a long, angry message on Facebook but I didn't do it. I was too emotional at the time, and my boyfriend told me to breathe and pull myself together first before doing anything irrational and stupid. I'm glad I listened.

I let the pain subside. I got home after my trip and spent the remaining days of my leave there. Having the knowledge of the situation made living with you harder, awkward silences whenever we're in the same room and all. My mom told me what happened in detail and I felt helpless as I was listening to her story. I know my mom made a mistake and she was sorry for it. But was it very difficult for you to forgive her? I thought you'd be the better person and just let it all pass and not hold grudges, but you were the complete opposite of what I was expecting you to be.

Truth be told, I don't know you at all anymore. You have become a whole new person and, as much as I don't like saying this, you changed but not for the better. You were not the same person I once told all my secrets to, long time ago. Now, you are just somebody that I used to know.

Whatever happened to the girl who was God-fearing and religious and all that jazz? Because right now, I only see someone who is close-minded, self-righteous and selfish.

I don't know where all your hate is coming from because the last time I checked, I didn't do anything wrong to you. Defending my mother was all I did, and if you were in my shoes, you'd do the same. You were the one who got all defensive and started criticizing me and pitching in personal stuff that has nothing to do with the current situation. You even went as far as counting all the good things your mom has done for me. Yes, I will eternally be grateful that you have such a generous, selfless, loving mother who helps her family when they are in need and who does not count the number of times they have helped. You are so lucky to have a mom who is so hardworking and who not only supports you as best she can, but is also willing to lend a helping hand so that her brother's daughter can graduate college. I will never forget that.

Personally, I really could not care less if you will speak ill of me to all of your friends. Go ahead. I bet you've even done it already countless of times. You have even assumed that I am spending "all my parent's hard earned money" and I was just like, "What? Where did she even get that idea from?" I'll tell you something so that your mind can be at peace. I have been independent (meaning I've been living my life with my own money) since I was employed last year. I have a job that pays and can actually support me. So if you think that I'm asking my parents for money to fund my travels and shopping sprees, you have never been more wrong.

I can play the blame game all day long, you know, because we all have imperfections and you are not an exemption. I can think and list a number of negative things about you, but what would I get from that? Nothing but a heart and head ache.

I guess I should just stop here because I can feel how my letter has been becoming more and more intense and it's much too long now to keep on talking.

I just hope that someday, you can find it in your heart to forgive whatever it is that my mom has done to make you this heartless. I hope that you can find the light and let go of all the grudges you've been keeping and start living a happy life. I hope that someday, we can be friends like we have been before. But I know that would be like wishing on a falling star that is actually a meteor so I'll stop hoping now.

God bless you, dear someone. I pray you will get everything that you deserve.

Always,
Renee ❤
An Open Letter to Someone I Once Knew